Worth the Pain
by chirlagirl
Summary: Still hurting from the loss of Madam de Pompadour, the Doctor fails to see the affects his actions have taken upon Rose. Will he also loose her as well? Where does Mickey fit into all this?
1. Chapter 1

**_Don't own any of the characters from Dr. Who and I'm not seeking to profit from these characters in any shape or form. If anyone is willing to BETA for me, please contact me as I do this practically all on my own. Reviews are welcome as long as they are constructive and not scathing. _**

She had left him alone with his thoughts. She couldn't bear to see him look so sad. As Mickey led her away, asking that she show him the rest of the TARDIS as an excuse to leave the Doctor, Rose only wanted to go inside her room and cry. He seemed so lonely, starring at the screen on the console of the TARDIS. He had just walked back from the fireplace that connected him to Madame de Pompadour's room. He looked as though the world around him had collapsed. Rose had never seen him look so sad, heartbroken even. Her heart clenched inside her, realizing to her disappointment that the Doctor had fallen in love with someone else.

As Rose walked down the hallway with Mickey, she stopped and asked Mickey if she could show him around later. She wasn't feeling very well and said that she had gotten a headache as a result of everything they've gone through. She just needed to be alone for a while. Mickey was about to protest, but Rose was already walking away before he had time to say anything else.

Rose took a deep breath as she went inside her room. She tried taking deeper breaths but still felt as though she was choking on all the pain and disappointment that suddenly overwhelmed her. She looked in the mirror and tried to tell herself that she was being an absolute idiot if she so much as cried for any man, least of all the Doctor. She wished at that very moment that she could talk to Sara Jane, but wouldn't she just say, "I told you so?" Oh, she wouldn't be cruel about it, but she did tell her that being with the Doctor was worth the pain. She tried not to laugh at how soon those words came back to haunt her and wondered at how feeling pain this deeply could be worth anything else.

Tears started streaming down Roses pale cheeks. She couldn't hold it in any longer and started to cry. She walked over to her closet, trying to search for her dressing gown but couldn't find what she was looking for and kept sobbing even louder. When she was a little girl one of her comforting places to hide when she needed a good cry was her closet. It seemed strange, but she felt as though she could hide away from the world and cry her heart out without having to tell anyone of the pain inside her. She hadn't done that since her grandfather passed away all those years ago. Jackie was already a mess and Rose didn't want to worry her, so she tried to deal with the pain in her own way.

Picking a corner in the pile of clothes already lying on the floor of her disheveled closet, Rose curled up and cried more than she possibly thought she could. She felt the TARDIS hum in sadness as she tried to muffle her cries in vain. She realized that she wasn't only hurting because of the Doctor's feelings for Reinette, but she also felt a mix of frustration and anger that he would knowingly leave her and Mickey to fend for themselves without a thought as to weather they would survive without him. She didn't even know if she could try commanding the TARDIS without risking looking inside her once again. Could she ever forgive him for being so calloused, for risking everything for someone he had just met?

A part of her wondered just how far his relationship with Reinette had gone. He was gone for a couple of hours, and for all Rose knew, he had already managed to live a lifetime with Reinette and spend more time with her than he ever did with Rose.

"He forgot me," she cried out loud. "He forgot me!" The realization of what he had done cut deep and Rose didn't think she could ever forgive nor trust him for abandoning her.


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor was going through his own turmoil as he felt Reinette's letter inside his coat pocket. She died waiting for him despite the fact that he was only gone from her world two minutes. He was eager to show her the Galaxy and the million of worlds still yet to be discovered. She was much too good for the world that encased her in a golden cage. He wanted to see her soar beyond her means, share in the wonder that was the life she had yet to live.

Rose suddenly flashed into his mind, but his time with Madame de Pompadour was too fresh, too raw for him to think beyond anything but his recent experience with her. She had asked him to dance and he willingly went into her waiting arms because in her he saw another part of himself long thought lost. Again he thought about Rose but resisted to explore this nagging sensation that persisted in the back of his mind about her. Later, he thought. He would have time later.

Mickey had woken up and was ready to see the new worlds that the Doctor and Rose constantly chattered about. He was feeling actually quite good that day and decided to cheer Rose up, thinking that she might need him today. He quickly took a shower, dressed and stopped by the kitchen for coffee before he went to Roses room to see if she wanted any breakfast.

He knocked at her door, but there was no answer. He pressed his ear against wooden panel and called out her name. Still, there was no answer. Disappointed, Mickey went in search of her in the console room of the TARDIS.

"Morning, Doctor," Mickey greeted as he found the Doctor examining a part of the TARDIS he managed to strip down. "Need help with anything?"

"Not really," the Doctor replied, looking intently at the wirings he was attaching together using his sonic screw driver.

"Alright then," Mickey said. When the Doctor kept working without saying anything more, Mickey asked, "Doctor, have you seen Rose?"

"Not since yesterday," the Doctor answered, not looking up, twisting the wires around as he worked.

Mickey thought it was best to leave the Doctor alone and keep looking for Rose. He thought he might have missed her and hoped that he wouldn't loose himself in the TARDIS as he made his way back into the corridor. "Well, I'll look for her," he told the Doctor as he walked away. "If I don't come back come get me in an hour or so, 'kay Doctor?" Mickey said jokingly as he walked off.

The Doctor suddenly looked up. "Mickey," he said. "Try looking in the library, she might be there."

"Reading you mean?" Mickey asked.

"Surprised?" asked the Doctor.

"Well, can't say that you haven't been a positive influence on her if you got her reading more than those Danielle Steel novels," Mickey acknowledged. "No wonder those robots also wanted Roses brain. Good thing you came back or she would have been spare parts for them, right Doctor?"

Suddenly, the Doctor's hearts dropped. He was so busy thinking about himself that he didn't stop to think about Rose. Mickey was right. If he hadn't returned when he did, Rose would have been sacrificed and he wouldn't have ever known that she had died. While he basked in the luxurious world of Madame de Pompadour, Rose was the one who would have ended up waiting for him to save her instead of the other way around. He completely forgot what it was about Rose that made her unique in his life. He wanted to kick himself for his foolishness. At that moment, the TARDIS lights blinked on and off as if to say, '_You've finally come to your senses_.'

"Stay here," the Doctor told Mickey. "I'll go look for her."


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor knocked on Roses door. No answer. He went searching in places he thought he would find her and still no Rose. For a minute there he thought he would have to shout for Mickey to find him as he kept going through corridors and rooms he had forgotten were part of the TARDIS. He headed back to Roses room, thinking that perhaps she was still there and for some reason refused to come out. At this point he couldn't blame her if she never wanted to speak to him again.

"Rose, I'm coming in," he called out after he kept knocking with no answer. "I'm serious, Rose, here I go!"

He let himself in and noticed the scattered clothes about the room. Apart from that, her bed looked untouched. It wasn't the most neatly made up bed, but it appeared as though she hadn't slept inside it. He even walked into her bathroom and found it as empty as her bedroom. However he desisted leaving because he felt that she was there somewhere. He then noticed the door of her closet slightly ajar and reached over to open the door. To his surprise, he found Rose curled up in the corner of the closet clutching her dressing robe close to her chest. She seemed as though she had fallen asleep, her eyes and nose looked red and puffy. She seemed like a little girl, curled up, hiding from the rest of the world in an attempt to escape it. The Doctor's hearts melted at the sight of her and reached over to sweep tendrils of her hair away from her perfect oval face. He became shocked as he noticed how hot Roses skin felt to the touch. "Rose!" he cried out. "Rose, answer me!"

Rose made a whimper as the Doctor tried to gather her in his arms. "Please, Rose, answer me!"

Rose could manage to barely open her eyes. Her whole body felt as though she were on fire, her throat felt raw as though it was burning up.

"Forgot me," she managed to whisper, before closing her eyes. "Forgot me…"

The Doctor never felt such shame in his life. Tears blinded his eyes as he realized that he had put Roses life in jeopardy because it was safer to love Madame de Pompadour than even consider his feelings for Rose.

Carefully he picked her up and made his way to the medical lab. He would take care of Rose and hoped that she wouldn't leave him because he was foolish enough to have left her to her fate without thinking about the consequences of his actions.

Rose woke up to find herself in the medical lab of the TARDIS. Mickey's face was the first to greet her, his somber expression breaking up in a huge grin as he saw her wake up. Rose smiled back, relieved to see that he at least was still around. She promised herself that no matter what happened, she would never take Mickey for granted again.

"How are you, Rose?" she heard the Doctor ask on the opposite side.

"Better, I guess," she replied, turning to see him. He appeared tired, almost haggard in appearance. "What happened?"

"You were sick," Mickey answered. "You had a fever. Gave us quite a scare."

"My throat feels a bit parched," Rose said, her voice sounding hoarse. Mickey quickly filled a glass of water and gave it to her to drink. Again Rose made a mental note to thank him later. She couldn't believe that he was still with her after everything she made him go through. She let her hand reach up to caress his cheek on impulse and smiled warmly at him as she handed the glass back.

The Doctor saw the exchange and sensed that he might have pushed Rose away from him. She had given Mickey a look that he never saw before and for a split second, jealousy coursed through him. He instantly regretted having Mickey come along. He sensed the TARDIS mock him. '_It's what you deserve_,' she seemed to say.

"Thank you, Doctor," Rose said suddenly as he started to walk away.

The Doctor merely nodded and left them. His leaving only confirmed to Rose that he was still mourning the loss of Madame de Pompadour and felt a great void inside and suddenly wondered why she didn't die as well. Only Mickey witnessed the heartbreaking look crossing over Roses face at the Doctor's departure and realized that Rose never came close to feeling for him a fraction of what she now felt for the Doctor.


	4. Chapter 4

Two days later Rose was up and about. She had finally taken a long shower and managed to find something suitable to make herself look pretty. She figured that the only way to get back some self confidence was to try and look the part. No use in wallowing in self pity. She might not be Madame de Pompadour, but she wasn't a complete looser either. She figured she could accentuate the positive assets nature had given her by putting on a miniskirt with her black boots and a white shirt that showed her curves in all the right places. She next worked on her hair and makeup, making sure that her eyes popped out and her lips were a nice glossy pink for full affect. Madame de Pompadour might have been a courtesan with all the classy moves, but she certainly wasn't Rose Tyler. She had some moves of her own and she planned to use them. That Time Lord wouldn't even see her coming!

"So, where to next?" Rose asked leaning onto the console of the TARDIS.

The Doctor almost jumped as Rose flashed him her mischievous grin. Mickey managed to give her a low whistle as he saw what she was wearing.

"Where do you want to go?" the Doctor asked as his voice almost caught in his throat when he realized that Rose was wearing a white t-shirt that hugged dangerously to the curves of her body.

"Ooooh, I dunno," she said. "Why don't we ask Mickey? He might want to explore places that he's only heard us talk about."

Mickey smiled, suddenly thinking that he would very much want to be surprised. In fact, anywhere they would take him to would certainly be a surprise to him. "I don't care," he said. "Just as long we can have a good time, have a couple of laughs and shake off the past is ok with me."

Both the Doctor and Rose grinned at Mickey's enthusiasm. The Doctor moved the controls of the TARDIS and she began to take them through time and space. "I know the place," the Doctor said. "Exactly what the Doctor ordered. Rest, relaxation, a bit of a holiday."

Mickey laughed as he grabbed on the console, feeling the TARDIS hurling them towards their destination. The TARDIS landed abruptly, causing the three to fall haphazardly on the floor. They laughed, seeing how silly they all looked as they were knocked over by the impact of the landing. The Doctor was the first to jump up, ready to help Rose as he started to chatter away about the place they've landed. He held out his hand to pull her up, but Rose managed to grab onto the console and hoisted herself up. "Don't worry about me, Doctor," she said avoiding his hand. "I can take care of myself." She went around, not touching him and proceeded to grab Mickey's hand. "Come on then," she told him, pulling him towards the doors of the TARDIS. "Let's go see this place of yours then."

The Doctor watch them go, realizing that his hand was still stretched out, reaching out towards nothing.

For all intended purposes Rose was completely herself. She still questioned the Doctor incessantly about a million and one thing and was continually excited about the worlds they saw. She seemed to enjoy the time she spent with him, despite Mickey's presence, and although he was sure that she wasn't officially back with Mickey, she didn't seem officially back with him either. It was ages since he felt her hand in his. Ages since he'd hug her, for whatever reason it may be. He seemed to have found many reasons to hug her in the past, if only to breath in the sweet fragrance that was uniquely hers. She had been quite eager not to deny him the opportunity to hold her close. It was their silent form of communication, of showing their affection to one another. Now she couldn't even bare to hold his hand.


	5. Chapter 5

The Doctor managed to go on five torturous days without his close connection to Rose. Five days, eight if he counted the times she was ill. Come to think of it, eight days were a short amount of time but for him it felt a lifetime. His dreams became even more torturous as he started to dream about Madam du Pompadour. At first he dreamt that he was back in her room, and he was once more desperately searching for her. He had seen her walking down a long corridor and chased her. When he managed to reach her, she had turned around to face him; only it wasn't Reinette, but Rose who would turn abruptly and say, "You left me, Doctor. You left me!"

The Doctor thought it was time to deal with this once and for all. He would know now, today if Rose would ever trust him again.

"You know, I think he's trying," Mickey was telling Rose as they both walked toward the console room.

They had a long talk about the past few days, and although Rose guarded most of what she felt inside, she knew that she at least owed Mickey an explanation. "Still, Mickey," she said, "This was a tough lesson to learn, but at least I know never to take you for granted again, yeah?" She smiled as he put his arms around her.

"That means a lot to me, Rose, thanks," he said with sincerity in his voice.

They went into the console room with Mickey's arms still around Roses waist. The Doctor raised his eyebrows as he saw them approach. He had on his glasses and that bit of detail still managed to set Roses heart fluttering.

"Mickey," the Doctor said, "Could I talk to Rose a minute?"

"Rose?" Mickey asked, not sure if he should go away. The Doctor might be the pilot of the ship, but his first loyalty lay with Rose.

"Don't worry," she told him. "I think there's some Shepard pie still left over in the kitchen. How about you warm that up for dinner."

"Yeah, alright," Mickey agreed as he left for the kitchen.

Rose turned to the Doctor. "So…" she began, putting her hands in the back of her pockets. "What's up?"

"First thing first," the Doctor said, approaching her. He stopped in front of her and was disappointed to see her take a step back. Her eyes shifted to the floor before looking up at him.

"Give me your hands," he said reaching out with his own.

"What?" Rose asked confused. "Why?"

"Give me your hands, Rose Tyler," the Doctor persisted.

"Full name and everything," she said silently thinking that she was amazed that he remembered her name at all.

She reluctantly took her hands out of her back pockets and placed them in the warmth of the Doctor's hands. She immediately felt his being overpower her senses. He was standing closer than she would like and warned herself not to start blubbering like an idiot because she had missed her close physical contacts with the man. He'd think she'd gone mad.

"Why are you avoiding me?" he asked her pointedly as he looked intently into her eyes. His grip on her hands were gentle, yet firm.

"I wasn't," she denied, albeit a bit lamely.

"Yes you were," he continued. "You're trying to get away even now."

"Don't be daft," she denied, avoiding eye contact.

"Look at me Rose," the Doctor asked softly. "I need to know that we're ok."

Rose dared to look into the Doctor's eyes and took a deep breath.

"Why did you leave me?" she dared to ask as she in turn gripped the Doctors hands. "You weren't really going to come back, were you?"

The Doctor had prepared himself to answer her, anticipating her question, but no matter how many explanations he went through in his mind, at that moment he knew that he really didn't have a viable excuse that would justify him abandoning Rose. At least an excuse that wouldn't hurt her.

"I never meant to leave you," he began.

"Perhaps those weren't your intentions," Rose said, trying to measure her words carefully, "…but your actions, Doctor, spoke volumes. I can understand and respect what you went through with Reinette, I get that. What I don't get is why you were willing to leave me and Mickey knowing we had no proper way of getting back home?" It was at that moment when Rose began to cry. "I trusted you!" she said in an accusing tone. "I trusted that you would come back, that at least what we've gone through together mattered enough for you to come back, but you didn't!"

"I didn't want to hurt you," the Doctor repeated, his face reflecting his own turmoil. "I'm so sorry Rose. You didn't deserve what I did."

"Can you understand that of all the people in this existence you are the one I trusted the most and in a scant of a few hours you shattered that?!" Rose exclaimed, the hurt and pain sweeping though her. "I don't even blame _her_ for you wanting to go back, Doctor," Rose went on. "…but you were ready to dump me for someone else, someone you thought better than me. Do you know how worthless _that_ made me feel?"

The Doctors heart constricted, sensing Roses pain. Tears began to shine in his eyes, feeling the impact of what he'd done. "Never think that you are worthless, Rose," the Doctor said. "Don't ever compare yourself to someone else and think they might be better, 'cos they're not."

"Then why did you?" she accused. Their hands were still linked, each refusing to let go.

"You're right," he said. "I took you and our friendship for granted. I have no excuse."

"How can I trust you won't do the same again then?"

"I know that it might not fix what I've done," the Doctor said, pulling her to him even closer. He looked into her eyes as he clasped her hands onto his chest, his two hearts beating evenly. "But I swear, Rose Tyler that I won't just leave you again. Not ever. You and no one else decide when to leave and how, I promise you. If you want to leave now, just say the word, I'll understand. If however you want to leave a year from now, five, ten… I would only be so lucky to have you as long as you wish to stay."

Rose saw the depth of loneliness shine through his eyes as they pleaded for her not to leave him. Reinette was right to call the doctor her Lonely Angel. As much as she wanted to hate Reinette, at this moment she couldn't because she saw in the Doctor what Rose had seen all along. He was vulnerable, lonely and he needed someone to be with him, anchor him in the world of chaos in which he lived. For a while Reinette managed to fill that empty space that existed within him, but Rose didn't need to be psychic to understand just how lonely the Doctor really was. She felt it every time he became silent, every time he stared off into the darkness of space or when he saw humans interacting with one another. She knew that his thoughts often wondered into his past and she made sure to keep his demons away by not letting him dwell too much in his loneliness.

When the Doctor put the decision in her hands as when to leave, Rose broke out into a huge smile, her eyes lighting up like they had when they had landed on New Earth and she told him how much she loved to travel with him. He, in turn, showed her a moment of vulnerability as his face broke out in relief. She threw her arms around him and hugged him, her love wrapping him in her tight embrace. The Doctor held her for a long time, basking in her warmth, in the scent that he missed that was only hers.

Mickey leaned against the wall of the TARDIS, watching the Doctor and Rose. He sighed, knowing that Rose was setting herself up for the inevitable fall, yet he didn't have the strength to stop it. How could he when he sensed that their bond was strong enough to destroy those who came into their path? He should know, having been the first victim of that union and now Madame de Pompadour. How quickly she was toppled in the Doctors life by the power that was Rose. He smiled sadly, thinking how Rose and the Doctor failed to realize just how powerful their feelings were for each other and how something so intense could potentially lead to their own downfall.

The Doctor let go of Rose and whispered, "Someday we'll make it to Barcelona Rose, I promise."

"Just you and me?" she dared to ask in a hushed whisper.

"Just you and me," he replied, his eyes sparkling as he took her hand in his and led her to the console to map out their next destination. They watched the TARDIS work her magic, their hands still linked together in silent understanding.


End file.
